WWIII in 7 Easy Steps
- Alienate Former and current Allies.
- Make sure any medium of conflict resolution be made irrelevant.
- Build troop numbers in every continent on the globe.
- Engage in open or clandestine operations to overthrow regimes you dont like.
- Build up unprecedented force near the 2nd most powerful country in the world, point all your guns the right way.
- Accidents happen....trigger fingers itch.
Well, hmmm. Lets go through the list shall we?
- Alienate and Antagonize Former and current Allies. CHECK
Um lets see here: France, Britain (after Blair is gone), Germany, Spain & the EU, Jordan, India, Brazil & most of Latin America, Canada, Turkey, New Zealand...and the majority of the smaller countries we've bullied trade agreements from.
But on the bright side we do get El Salvador and Poland, Uzbekistan and Honduras, Australia and Romania, and of course Iraq and Afganistan (!!!). We'll be ok
2. Make sure any medium of conflict resolution be made irrelevant. CHECK
UN? Fuck them, what the hell have they done the past 50 years? Not a goddamned thing I'll tell you that. ICC? More like IC-Lite, becuase this country isnt going to outsource its security to some court that only every single other nation on the globe has agreed to abide by and we have American judges on. (Israel is currently run by douchebags so even though theyve signed the statute theyre not going to listen...sigh)
3. Build troop numbers in every continent on the globe. CHECK
Thats right we have a military base or troops on every inhabited continent on the globe plus a Navy that is continually patrolling "trouble regions." U-S-A, U-S-A!!
4. Engage in open or clandestine operations to overthrow regimes you dont like. CHECK
Hmm, just off the top of my head: Iran, Argentina, Vietnam, Cuba, Venezuela, Iraq, Afganistan.......
5. Build up unprecedented force near the 2nd most powerful country in the world, point all your guns the right way. CHECK AND 1!!
Double Bonus Points if this country is also solidly and irreplacabley linked economically to over 58 other nations, including your own. But its OK, China, we're just excercisin', baby. You know we need our excercise, we're the fattest nation in the world!
6. Accidents happen....trigger fingers itch.
I mean its really only streching. You know how hamstrings and 7 carrier strike groups get...you dont strech and you might accidentally pull a trig...ahem...muscle.
Dont be at all concerned that 1 strike group consists of at a minimum, the aircraft carrier itself (usually with nine or 10 squadrons and a total of about 85 aircraft), a guided missile cruiser, two guided missile destroyers, an attack submarine and a combination ammunition, oiler and supply ship. And that we only have 12 of them total and 7 of them are in your backyard pointing all of our guns, planes and scowls at you...haven't you played Risk? Just becuase you point your cannons at Kirkukst doesnt mean you won't attack Japan...i mean goddamn! Chill out! Just becuase it looks like the peacetime equivalent of the Normandy landings doesn't mean you have to be a whiny bitch, damn
Why are you building up your forces? Obviously you're gearing up to attack TAWIAN! Well we wont hear of it! DEMOBILIZE IMMEADIATELY OR EL...cough cough oh youre strechting too, huh? ....WELL THATS JUST WHAT THE NAZIS SAID AND LOOK WHAT HAPPENED THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey where did everybody go? Dont you see the [insert nationality, religion, color]ese hate us becusae of our freedoms? If youre not with us then your with the evil doers....
OMG LOL!!!!1111 We're so close! Why havent we started firebombing Beijing yet?!?! Hey winning 2/3 world wars aint bad!